Category Archives: you can’t take us anywhere


We’re here! Yay!

Now I just have to fight the tired monster and write about all the places we’ve gone and people we’ve met.

Eustice and Juanita sing a duet.


In Search of Beyonce (the rooster, not the singer)

We went back to visit Fat Pilgrim when they were open. The store owner was there and apparently was quite aware of the The Blogess’ adoption of the rooster now known as Beyonce. Of course she’d never met Eustice and despite being hopped up on drugs and probably drunk I didn’t have the courage to ask her to pose with Eustice (yes, he’s still pissed at me. Nothing like a pissed off mini-sheep).

Having already met the largest version of the rooster (and shame on me for not finding out the artists name) Eustice gravitated to the smallest version. Here they seem to be admiring this twig. They talked for a little while, there was much head-shaking on the part of the little rusted guy. I think maybe he’d never heard of Beyonce. The adventure continued…

Wonderfully small rusty rooster, My Prince says I cannot take you home with me. 

Clearly hoping that he could meet Beyonce I think Eustice engaged in some ill-advised behavior… 

Rooster: You sir are the smallest sheep I’ve ever seen.
Eustice: Hello then. Nice to meet you. Knock Knock Motherfucker?
Rooster: THE FUCK?!
Eustice: I said, “Knock Knock Motherfucker.”
Larger Rooster: …sputtering….
I think I heard the rooster say something about Eustice’s mother, but I cannot be sure. Eustice says he doesn’t want to talk about it. What happened next happened so fast that there was no way I could photograph it with my cell phone. This was the result: 
I had no idea that Eustice had martial arts training. 
The crate is for your protection, not his. 

Apparently not all of Beyonce’s relatives share his sense of humor. It also explains this:

I am sincerely glad that Eustice did not try this conversation with the 12 foot version! Or if he did, bless the wind for keeping him from being heard!

…which just proves, yet again, that you cannot take us anywhere.

Sheep Crashes High School Reunion

The only thing that Eustice likes more than meeting new people is a good party. So he was really looking forward to my Prince’s 30th High School Reunion. He just had to get in on the group photo… 

The King is a little unsure of Eustice’s motives.
Just go along with it Dave. Eustice doesn’t usually bite. 

Eustice also got to meet some celebrities last night. He’d had some shots of something called Blackout with my Prince and wandered off mid-party. I don’t know where he went or what he did, but that’s why there aren’t too many pictures. He says he’s not talking but from the way he looks and how close he’s hovering to the coffee pot this morning I’m guessing he actually doesn’t remember WHAT he did.

Famous D.J. Richard Blade was thrilled to meet Eustice.

Eustice says he tried talking to Richard about scuba diving lessons, but it was really loud. I’m not sure how that went, but I’m not paying for it. I told Eustice if he wants to start taking courses like that he’s going to have to get a JOB. 
He also met the Mother of a past contestant of America’s Next Top Model and current contestant of their All Stars show. I wish I could remember her name, she was very nice lady. Eustice says that I should say that she’s not as nice as me which is why he calls me The Nice Lady. 
The first thing he said he noticed about her was the size of her diamond. At one point he whispered to me that he was quite sure it would not fit in his mouth. I really have no idea what he was thinking… but I will be sure to put any jewelry with stones well out of his reach from now on. 
We visited with her for quite a while during dinner, and shamefully I’ve forgotten her name. Because I forget everything, and I really must learn to take notes. She is an immensely proud mama of three girls and a little boy. As proud as she is of all her beautiful children, it’s very clear that she values intelligence more than beauty. She told Eustice and I more than once that beauty is fleeting but stupid can last forever. Eustice, with a moist eye, said she reminded him of his Mom. 
Memories of his Mom on his mind or not… that did NOT stop him from getting a good look down her shirt. 
Eustice has mind control abilities. How else could he get so many women to put him so close to their breasts? 
We still have the rest of our train trip to Seattle to tell you about plus a few intermediate adventures. We’ve been visiting way too many doctors lately. 

A little Sake Goes A Long Way

Eustice tried to post to the blog himself, but it didn’t work out so well. He’s kinda annoyed with me for not posting about going out for sushi. After we went for a tilt table test I decided we deserved sushi. What is a tilt table test? It’s a test where a cardiologist and a mess of nurses put you on a table that stands you up (at like a 70% to 80% angle) and then they take your blood pressure every minute and give you drugs and watch you black out. Then they quickly make the table flat so you wake up while they’re shoving oxygen on your face and feeling like someone just tried to drown you.  Terribly exciting for them… not so fun for me.

Which is why I totally deserved sushi. We have a great little sushi fusion place here in the oddest location. It shares a parking lot with a somewhat dumpy pay-by-the-week-motel. For years we drove past thinking they must stay open by laundering drug money… but thanks to yelp we discovered that it’s just good sushi. I mean, they could still be doing something hinky, but the sushi is good and it’s always crowded. Crowds are not Rob’s favorite thing, so it’s important that we order good sake right away and get Rob drunk.

Eustice checks out the ahi and salmon

This is the first time we’ve gone for Sushi since learning about my gluten issues. Bonus for me… they served me a dish of fresh wasabi! Eustice was very interested… I think because it’s green. I told him not to eat from the bowl. I reminded him what happened when he tried the fresh chilies at the Vietnamese restaurant.

We ordered a big bottle of sake for Rob and of course poured for the sushi chefs involved in the real wasabi. Our first order, a plate of sashimi, reminded me of why you always pour for the sushi chef! 
oh yummeh thick slices of fishies… Eustice ate up all the shredded daikon

Around this time Rob started letting Eustice drink sake. There is a good chance Eustice likes sake better than beer. It does not take a lot of sake to get a little sheep drunk. 
Eustice also sampled some of the 1/2 price happy hour sushi Rob ordered… and more sake… and the next thing I know…. 
I told him not to eat the wasabi from the dish!

Maybe someday he’ll listen to me… although I doubt that will be anytime soon. Eustice’s solution to wasabi fire breath was more sake. On his way back to me he picked up the “carrot scepter of wasabi triumph” but it suddenly became a hat before I got a picture of him waving it around.

I think he was thinking about trying the wasbai again here.
Before I could stop him he was drunkenly weaving down the sushi bar singing something about how wool doesn’t burn. He got too close to the edge, fell off and skittered all the way across the floor of the restaurant into the wall under a table. It took us a minute to find him and I was in a rush to retrieve him before anything too embarrassing happened so I didn’t get any pictures of that at all. He’s just lucky there wasn’t any gum down there.

Before we left of course there was posing with the hostesses…

Eustice says that I should write that I pushed him off the bar. So I’m writing it. Because he’s looking. But I’m not the one that was drunk. I was the designated driver. 

It’s not always about Eustice…

This is an actual instant message conversation that I had today with my next-door neighbor. Names have been changed to protect the sane. 

TheNeighbor: Hey how do I stick my tongue out at you

TheNiceLady: you need to find the drop down window for the smilies.

TheNiceLady: =:)

TheNiceLady: I can show you later. We’re going to go get eggs. And stuff.

TheNeighbor: eggs what kind of eggs, like chicken…..or human

TheNiceLady: gross. We’re getting sharks eggs 😛

TheNeighbor: hey….one’s gotta ask

TheNiceLady: and also platypus eggs and maybe an ostrich egg. To make pie crust.
                       okay? Nosy pants.

TheNeighbor: okay that’s scary

TheNiceLady: do you have some clean newspaper? I need packing material. The only box I have is too big.

TheNeighbor: disturbing question …why?

TheNiceLady: because I’m mailing an xmas gift to a friend. I can’t have the body rolling around too much. If the blood leaks out she’ll never get the package.

TheNeighbor: oh yeah, I think I might even have packing material let me look

TheNiceLady: 8-}
TheNiceLady: =P~

TheNeighbor: okay that’s gross

TheNiceLady: :-h

Eating Ocean-Spiders

Our friend Monicaroni from Texas came to visit us! We thought the most fun we could have on a weeknight would be to stuff our selves full of things that normally crawl on the ocean floor. I showed Eustice a picture of crabs on the interwebs and he was very excited… he says that he likes the flavor of spiders. I didn’t ask for details.

First we had to pick out what we wanted to eat. Here is Eustice enjoying the sound of a bubbler. Pretty arty for a camera phone… don’t you think?

I’m sure that these are just as tasty as they are pretty.  Then we came across this…

It took us a while to get Eustice to calm down enough to understand that this is a type of fish… I’d never seen him so upset before.

Once he calmed down (and we stopped laughing at him) he agreed to pose with the sheephead. But you can tell from the look on his face that he was pretty annoyed with us for laughing at him.

While Monicaroni ordered fish, and husband got a beer, Eustice and I staked out a table and waited for our live crabs to be cooked. Eustice refused to pose with living crabs. I think maybe he thought they’d be smaller? Or maybe he was afraid of being pinched. Still, he looks excited about it all, doesn’t he?

When I brought the bag of steamed crabs to the table, he wasted not a moment to get a good look…

This crab had one of the thickest shells I’ve ever seen. Even Eustice’s hooves were not strong enough to break it! Much mallet whacking and flying debris ensued. Sure was sweet and tasty tho. Once you got past the dirt… I grumbled about the fact that they didn’t rinse it before steaming it.  Eustice just stared at me. “What’s wrong with eating dirt?” He asked. “MY MOM,” he said “told me it’s a great way to get your minerals.” I’m not gonna disrespect Eustice’s Mom.

Other things we ate included: 

And Monicaroni had to reassemble this one for the picture. It was so delicate that it fell apart (but boy oh boy was it tasty!)

It was about this time that I noticed while Monicaroni and I were busy talking and stuffing our faces with sweet delicious crabs, husband had been letting Eustice take sips of his beer…

Eustice keeps asking when we’re gonna see Monicaroni again and when are we going back to the Redondo Beach Pier and if he can have more beer.